Tag Archives: animals being dicks

Crack Spider

This is old, but it is still worthy of some attention. Who knew we had so much in common with woodland spiders?!

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Aww Fuck NO!

If I saw this beast flying around IRL I would only be able to assume that hell had cracked open at its deepest core, expelling all malevolent demons to rape and pillage mankind. I would make haste to the closet apocalyptic weaponry shop and stock the fuck up. Then, most likely I would hide.

Sarah disagrees, she thinks that this flying fox looks relatively harmless and is almost kind of… cute. PUT DOWN THE CRACK PIPE MS. CYNTHIA! Whether he is, “simply enjoying his banana…”, or NOT… he needs to flap back into whatever nightmare he came from. Small bats, no problem, but this fucker is alarmingly and unpleasantly ginormous. Like Starship Troopers big; I mean clearly the military feels the need to get involved here. You know how some people say if you fell from a tall building you would die ‘several times’ before hitting the ground? This is the animal equivalent.

Visit cracked.com for 18 other images you won’t believe are not Photoshopped.

– Sylvia “Big-Bats-No-Bueno” Stout.

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DAMN NATURE YOU GARY!

I was pleasantly surprised to hear from a bright and chipper Gary this morning; early enough that I was led to believe he only crushed a sixer last night, leaving the remaining twofour for another occasion.

I was telling him about this worm bin composter I am planning on purchasing from the Muttonhead Market, and it came out that Gary doesn’t like worms, he thinks they’re “gross”. Pretty atypical for Gary, I must say. In any event, following our conversation, Gary stepped it up and found this nasty-ass centipede video to scar me with, and by proxy, you too. However, let it be known, that for all of his hatred for these obscenely legged beasts, Gary would shed and eat his own skin in a heartbeat if nature allowed it…

Welcome to the Jungle Bitches!

 

 

 

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