Tag Archives: fools

Oh, Wait …..

Dammit, Gary, why ya gotta be so smart all the time?!?

In my scattershot search for more Teengirl Fantasy info, I found no trace of this interview. Gary just passed it along to me. It’s from some obscure music blog called, what is it again? Rake? Corn Broom? The Hoe? ….

… Pitchfork. Sigh. That’s embarassing.

– SC

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Morning After Sillies

Yesterday I received a text from one of my favourite flower children. It read:

“Just realized there’s a dovercourt in burlington……street names are so weird.imagine they were ALL different……it’d be like thuydelfield6321 street.”

I love hearing about stoner ideas like this, and lucky for me, Sylvia is full of them. One of my favourites was her “concept” that if human feces could be transmuted into food, it would mean an end to world hunger. She riffed on this subject for at least an hour during our drive down to Bonnaroo last year; we had just met. From the front seat came cries of “God, Sylvia, will you shut up??” and “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” But she soldiered on, undaunted. Even as I write this, she mutters from the couch beside me, “Well I still think it’s an excellent idea.” Uh-huh.

Back to the subject of streets … is Yonge Street actually the longest street on earth? I’ve always believed this to be true; haven’t you? Syl thought Yonge spanned all the way to North Bay. Huh? Oh, no, she meant Timmins. HUH?? Neither of us felt quite clear on the details so we deferred to our deity, Wikipedia, for the truth. And we learned ….

“Yonge Street was formerly a part of Highway 11, which led to claims that Yonge Street was the longest street in the world. Running from the shores of Lake Ontario, through central and northern Ontario to the Ontario-Minnesota border at Rainy River, together they were over 1,896 kilometres (1,178 mi) long. But Yonge Street could only be called the longest street in the world if “Highway 11” and “Yonge Street” were synonymous, which is not the case.”

It’s so funny how these types of urban myths proliferate. I remember being told many times in high school that the reason Goldschlager got you “the most drunk” was because those flecks inside the bottle were real gold, and they inflicted tiny cuts in your throat as you consumed it, allowing the alcohol to directly enter your bloodstream. Come on … that’s completely ridiculous! But everyone believed it! I felt like a lonely island in the middle of the sea because I didn’t believe it. Better still? When my mom was in high school, there was a persistent rumour about her: that she had no belly button. Heheh. Apparently no one knew much about the birds, the bees, or the ‘bilical cords!

Happy Friday everyone,

Sar

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One Person’s Trash …

While scanning through Craigslist postings, looking for a new piece of furniture, I happened upon this beauty:

As I read the description I thought, Wow!! But what if I don’t live in a loft? Will I still find uses for this Butcher Block Style Kitchen Island? Will you even sell it to me? Then I scrolled down to check out the image:

Are you kidding me?? I’m assuming the price is a typo, but even still … come ON! This isn’t an island! Or a butcher’s block! It’s a CART. In functionality and aesthetic value it’s roughly equivalent to the infamous BEKVAM cart, one of which I just sold on Craigslist for fifty bucks.

I love so many things about this posting. My favourite might be the note that the dishes and “other items” shown aren’t included in the price. The price of four hundred and fifty-nine doll-hairs. Well, is a diamond ring included? How about a unicorn. No? Then I simply shan’t be buying it.

~~~

Another great listing specified that a piece of IKEA furniture was in “mint condition.”

Things that can be in “mint condition”:

Royal Doulton china

old cars

My Little Ponies (MIP = Mint In Package, MOC = Mint On Card, MCO = My Childhood Obsession*)

Louis Vuitton luggage

baseball cards

And, apparently there’s a band from Minnesota called Mint Condition, so I suppose they can be considered to be in mint condition, too. But IKEA furniture? Again, I can only say Come onnnn.

But that’s the reaction I have every time I go on Craigslist. It’s such a useful tool, but it’s populated by so many useless tools. People who think their junk is going to get them rich! People who think their junk is the prettiest, bestest junk on earth. There are so many ridiculous postings that make me guffaw and/or choke on my coffee, I sometimes think there should be a website dedicated to them. Oh, wait, there is one: www.yousuckatcraigslist.com Heheh.

Now off I go to continue mocking my fellow human.

Love,

Sarah Who Still Needs an Actual Kitchen Island Type of Thing for Her Nest


* In my case “childhood” ended around age fifteen. Maybe sixteen.

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