Tag Archives: Scags

Speaking of Long Weekends…

My mother and her significant other have a property north of the city just outside of Elmvale. Collingwood is close by, Thornbury is just on the other side of Collingwood, Stayner isn’t too far, Creemore is a bit of a distance, but you could take a day jaunt over that way. The one town that is by far the closest (yet still far enough away, thank fuck) to my mothers six bedroom property is the one that I almost never mention: Wasaga Beach.

The following is going to be a shamelessly judgemental rant about the trashy underbelly of civilization that haunts the arguably dilapitated shores of the the main beach, and the absolute gobsmacking horror I experienced while driving through town this long weekend. I just read this line aloud to my mother with a snicker, and she poo-pooed my opinion and launched into her own defensive rant about her home away from home:

“Sylvia! My God! How did you ever become so judgemental?! You certainly didn’t learn it from me!”

“I’ll have you know that Wasaga Beach is the fastest growing community in Ontario, and it is within the top ten fastest growing communities in Canada. Although it is traditionally known as a resort town, young families and retired folks alike are moving in and changing the face of the community. Certainly the beach on long weekends is crowded with young partiers, (think Jersey Shore), and I do my best the avoid it at these peak times… But during the week and in the off season, Wasaga and the surrounding areas offer picturesque scenery with a plethora of things to do.”

… “So there!” (sticks tongue out)…

Following this, mother stated that the total facade of WB is about to change, and for the better. Apparently the main strip and some of the surrounding waterfront property acreages have been purchased for roughly 11.7 million by some big wig developer, who plans to advertise and thus capitalize on the fact that WB is the longest fresh water beach in Canada: “Miami North”. Apparently, this plan includes some form of gentrification, because big developer man and his company want to market this niche to the rich.

I could be completely off base, but I am fairly certain that people with lot$ of money prefer for the most part to surround themselves with other individuals with lots of money. Or at least they prefer to keep company with people who either look like they have lots of money, or can pretend and pretend well that they make up a part of the upper crust. Those belonging to the lower socioeconomic strata will no longer be welcome, me thinks. They won’t be able to afford the new rental rates, and no amount of dollas can buy class, so the rejection will be double edged.

Frankly, the locals really can’t be blamed for wanting some change around these parts. The current state of Wast-aga Beach is laughable. I have never in my life seen so many shirtless, swearing, spitting, belching, tan-oil greasy, crude, obnoxious, scantilly-clad, sideways hat and pawn shop bling wearing, black and green Honda Civic driving, Wonderland season’s pass holding, DTF/GTL beef artist, 905’er scags in one place, in my entire life… Not even at the Sound Academy.

I must have held a snear of disgust upon my face for the entirety of the drive through this unfortunate hole of a vacation getaway destination. I had to roll up my windows and suffer through the sweltering heat of the un-airconditioned car, just to avoid the embarrassment of being cat-called and whistled at in front of my parents… Muthafuckas please.

The decorum has seemingly degraded over the years. I know my close girlfriends and I used to come up here during our summer break from high school, and pretend to be scaggy-trash for the weekend so we could get our underage selves into ‘clubs’ like the Dard (now The Dardanella), and Bananas beach Club. But these people are the real deal now; ambling through the sandy streets with shameless and trashy abandon. Yuck.

I hope the local sundries shoppe stocks shelves worth of condoms because the last thing we need is for these people to get too drunk on Budweiser and procreate.

Sylvia “Snooki-and-Pauly D-belong-trapped-in-the-boob-toob” Stout.

… And this just cause it is summer served fresh…

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