Crack Spider

This is old, but it is still worthy of some attention. Who knew we had so much in common with woodland spiders?!

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Dengue Fever – Lost in Laos

I’ll see your James Murphy, and raise you a Chhom Nimol…

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I Can Change, I Can Change, I Can Change, I Can Change

I love you, James Murphy.

Tell me a line
Make it easy for me
Open your arms
Dance with me until I feel all right

It’s good in the dark
Good in the dark
But into the lover’s light
Here comes another fight

So ring the alarm
Ring the alarm
Bar me and hold me and cling to my arm

Here it comes
Here it comes

And what you’re asking me now
Disastrous now
Hoping and hoping and hoping the feeling goes away

Never change, never change, never change, never change
Never change, never change, never change
This is why I fell in love

Never change, never change, never change, never change
Never change, never change, never change
That’s just who I fell in love with

This is the time
The very best time
So give me a line
And take me home
Take me over

But dashing the hopes
Dashing the hopes
And smashing the pride
The morning’s got you on the ropes

And love is a murderer
Love is a murderer
But if she calls you tonight
Everything is all right
Yeah, we know

And love is a curse
Shoved in a hearse
Love is an open book to a verse
Of your bad poetry
And this is coming from me

But I can change, I can change, I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change,
If it helps you fall in love

I can change, I can change, I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change, I can change
If it helps you fall in love

Turn on the light
Make it easy for me
Fill the divide
Fumble in the kitchen ’til it’s right
What an awful sight

But there’s love in your eyes
Love in your eyes
Love in your eyes
But maybe that’s just what your lover finds all night

I can change, I can change, I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change, I can change
If it helps you fall in love

I can change, I can change, I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change, I can change
If it helps you fall in love

And I can change, I can change, I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change, I can change
If it helps you feel real love

And I can change, I can change, I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change, I can change
If it helps you fall in love

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Purity Ring

Go go go
Go go go-o
Go go go-go go




Them tonight at


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Euro Cup Newbie

In honour of my very first Euro Cup viewing experience (GASP!), I wanted to post the following video which highlights the top 10 ’embellishments’ in professional sports… because soccer players really know how to dive. I will be returning to this subject in more detail tomorrow.




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The Best of Both Worlds

I was recently reminded of this old quote, which I believe was popularized with the release of the 1971 movie Fiddler on the Roof: “A bird may love a fish, but where would they build a home together?” I playfully teased a good friend with this conundrum, to which they astutely albeit cheekily replied, “is the fish a Mudskipper?”

Here look nature…boom… we have it! It is called MUDSKIPPER? I defaulted to David Attenborough, my great and worthy advisor on all things wildlife related for the answer. Why spend half the afternoon watching Mudskipper videos on Youtube? Well… because I love this shit…

Syl “ALWAYS break for nature!” Stout.

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How Inappropriate!

Why is it that every time we see a dog humping someone or something we are wildly amused? I cannot tell you how many times I have been at the dog park, accompanying my friends who have doggies, and witnessed some little (or big) go-getter attempt to get it on with a fellow, (and typically disinterested) K9.  Everyone just sort of stands there voyeuristically observing and laughing…

It’s not unlike this:

– Sylvia “Is-Going-To-Be-Late-For-Work-on-Account-of-Watching-Videos-of-Animals-Fornicating” Stout.

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OFO is a Go!

Jill, Jenny, and Geneva, the bad-ass bicycling trio and founders of Odyssey for Opportunity have flown the coop, even if their adventure commenced earlier than originally intended. Alas, every big challenge walks hand in hand with smaller challenges, no? As I sit here and write this, Jenny and Jill are sitting side by side in an old RV en-route with all of their equipment to BC.

I was lucky enough to share an evening with my Jill a week or so ago; where we got a little tipsy (hurricane drunk in actuality), and spoke candidly about her upcoming trip. The natural emotions were all present; she said she feels excitement, apprehension, pride, but also… she said she is scared shitless. If I were about to embark on a 75 day journey, on bike, across our beautiful if sometimes treacherous nation, I would also be terrified.

What struck me as most interesting about our dialogue was the ways in which Jill described the manifestations of her fears. She is isn’t really afraid she won’t be able to accomplish this feat, her drive to succeed and prove the value in what they are doing for the cause is too great. Instead she is fearful of all the time she is going to be spending inside he own head. I had never really thought about the tertiary challenges aside from things like weather, road conditions, tune-ups, and physical exhaustion, and Jill called to my attention the mental and emotional exhaustion that I am sure each of the three will experience at least a few times during the trip. The three of them are together yes, but when you are cycling on the Trans-Canada, you are doing so in single file, always remaining alert of the oncoming and very present dangers… transport trucks anyone? You can’t wear headphones safely, and you can’t really speak to one another because it is too damn loud. Eight hours in your own head under these conditions would be challenging to even a well versed shaman.

But Jill, Jenny, and Geneva, we tip our hats to you and your pilgrimage, which is exactly what this trip will be about in the end. Without a doubt, these three will return home in late August changed, both in subtle and obvious ways, and I can say confidently that I will be a little envious. Not many people in their lifetime pull off such an extraordinary accomplishment, and the pride I have about it on their behalf is bubbling over and splashing at my feet.

Girls, I sincerely hope you have a chance to read this during your downtime before the trip soldiers ahead because you should know that every single person in your life it cheerleading for you. Big hugs everyday, and lots of love and support every moment.

Sylvia “Can’t-Wait-to-See-the-Size-of-Your-Legs-in-August-cause-Dem-Bitches-Will-be-HUGE!!” Stout

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World War Z

In light of the recent Miami based zombie attack, I thought it important to do some research about guns and weaponry, more specifically where one eager Torontonian could purchase such things in preparation for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. These things are important; you never want to be caught with your proverbial pants around your ankles when it comes to zombies. They don’t give a sweet fanny-anny fuck if your face is organic, free-range, dolphin friendly, preservative/nitrate free etc.

Enjoy another video on The Globe and Mail Dot Com.

So after typing into Google: “where to buy guns Toronto”, this is what I came up with:

You can purchase them from Kijiji and Craiglist (of course!), but this would not be ideal if suddenly one morning you woke up to a complete shit-show zombie take over. There is a small privately owned ‘husband/wife’ outfit located at Wilson and Dufferin called, “Giovanni’s Gun Shop”. This would be the best bet probably, but they may sell out fast.  There appears to be lots of places to purchase air guns, but those are useless.

I have to say that when it comes to guns, it really sucks to live in Canada. There is no where to purchase anything easily. Who knew that one day I would curse the gun control laws of our country, those laws that at one point I so vehemently supported. Alas… There is no right or wrong, left or right, when it comes to the flesh-eating undead, just survival.

At the very least stock up on big kitchen knives, apparently you’re gonna need something.

Sylvia “Is-Ordering-Her-Machete-From-Craiglist” Stout

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Another Day in Paradise

My senses feasted all day today. If senses could get full the same way that a stomach does (thank golly they don’t!), mine would be plum-stuffed.

Let’s talk for a minute about the Toronto Island. The TI is clutch. I don’t know why I have wasted so many summers of my life deciding NOT to go over to the island because it is “too much of a commitment.” SHOULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING V8 on that one Syl.

As I sit here toasty from the sun, dirty from the sand, dried-sweaty from the heat, I feel completely enchanted by the magic of this day. We took the ferry over to Hanlan’s Beach (clothing optional cha-ching!!!), which is immensely if not somewhat surprisingly lush, and sat all day in the sun, drinking rum, and smoking joints; frolicking in the too cold water, and flying a big kite. The air was electric-heavy with that summer haze that slows the senses and allows you to see everything as if it were new. Alright, alright, the hydro probably assisted with that, but seriously… if you have a chance to go over to Hanlan’s this summer – take it. If not, then stop being fucking daft like I was for so long and commit to a day over there, because otherwise you are doing nothing short of missing out.

To cap off my wonderful evening I am going to find a patio and get a little tipsy and share a million laughs with an old friend, who no doubt will inspire me to write about something absurd that I will later share with you.

But first I am going to drop this video. Love the music, love the video, love the concept, love the Sufis and their mystical, mind-consciousness bending movements. Love the giver.


“Sylvia “It’s-Time-To-Get-Dickered” Stout

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The Electric Acid Baseball Test

You know what’s great? Hearing a hilarious story, and then finding out that it’s true. We live in an age of smoke and mirrors and I’m sure we’re all familiar with that vague sense of disappointment felt upon realizing that something “isn’t real.” An incredible photograph that proves to be ‘shopped, or a fun human interest story that turns out to have been set up. And that damn pygmy giraffe commercial … don’t TELL me you didn’t wish THAT was real. I know you did!

I happen to be tremendously credulous: I thought “It’s All Gone Pete Tong” was a doc, not a moc … does it make it better if I say that’s because I wanted it to be true??. But today a friend shared a story with me that is just too hilarious, and it actually happened! Better yet there’s an illustrated short which I present to you below. The narrative is presented by Dock Ellis, who was a major league baseball player in the 70’s. Who threw a no-hitter while high on acid. Have you ever heard this one? It’s good evidence that the truth is funnier than fiction. Check it out!

Love, Sarah “I’m High as a Georgia Pine” Cynthia

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Trio of Videos

I couldn’t pick one (the proverbial ice cream shop dilemma), so all three made the cut. Have you wasted any time today? If not, it’s time to get on the bandwagon! If so, stay on there! You are doing a great job of lowering the bar of achievement!

Sylvia “Is-on-Her-Third-Coffee-with-Full-Intentions-of-Brewing-a-Fourth” Stout




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Happy Long Weekend!

Whether you’re in the city working, laying low at home, or heading to a cottage and bragging about it on Facebook (bastards), we hope you find time to do some of THIS:

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Good evening! I’m kickin back with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a glass of rosé, Interneting around, having a blast, and I’ve found many a menh to share …

If you enjoy skewering Millenials — the sense of entitlement, the rampant financial irresponsibility — then you may want to check out this salty shishkebob from The Fiscal Times. It highlights some items we Millenials consider necessary, like iPads, smartphones, and jewelry. Wait … jewelry? Honestly, WTF?! Who are these twentysomethings buying luxury bling? Most of my jewelry looks like it was woven together out of shiny pebbles by a resourceful hobo meth head. And for all I know, some of it was …

This is why it’s strange to read articles about “my” generation … often, I feel like what’s being described has nothing to do with me. I have no student debt, and the idea of my parents giving me monetary handouts is, as my parents would happily tell you, laughable.

However upon further reflection I see that though I eschew many forms of conspicuous consumption, I’m not immune to the gleam of filthy lucre … I revel in dining out, and I’m a nascent wine snob. Most tellingly of all, I write to you this evening from my shiny MacBook Pro, which I consider a “necessity” because, well, uhh, I have this blog, and I need to be able to write things, and I can’t really see myself with a Dell or a Toshiba because, uhh, they don’t represent how I view myself, my lifestyle, and, well, Apple is really cool, and I want to be cool maybe by association, and how else will I fit in with all the other cool kids doing fake homework at my local fair trade coffee shop? And also, it’s shiny??

Yikes. Other news includes ….

A dog teaching a baby to crawl:

So adorable! I love everything about this … except the precious, infantilized, plink-plink music. What is up with that? Why do all these charming dog/baby videos have the same lame soundtrack? What, as soon as I pop out a kid, I’m going to start listening to Raffi’s studio outtakes all the time? Fuck. That.

Oh … but, also! Music! Amazing music!! On a plane!!! That’s about to take off for Romania!!!! Check out the latest magical amateur vid of Lemon Bucket Orkestra jamming in an unusual place:

Such incredible joie de vivre! Seriously, how many people do you know who could — and more importantly would — turn something as boring and unpleasant as a delayed Air Canada flight into a party? I tip my fedora upside down to you, LBO.

And also to you, dear reader! You’re pretttttty. I like ya. And that’s not just the wine talking …



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Christian the Lion

AWWWWWWWWWWwww… screechyhappysoundsofsnugglelove!!!

This video gets us every time!! Even with the cheesy Aerosmith song from Armageddon (fuckyoubenaffleckthetownsuckedyousuck) as its anthem, it is still the cutest best thing in the whole world. Christian we wish you were our lionnnawwwwwwwwwaskjdfba kjdfbjsdhfbv jsfhbvsdjbfgvkjb!

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Gary says, Cats are for Pussies!

Why don’t you man up and get a crocodilly instead!?

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Anyone who is anyone/everyone who works in the service industry should know about this hilarious spin off of #whatshouldwecallme

It’s all true!

Here’s one of our faves:


Check out the rest here.

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Farewell MCA

Yesterday we said goodbye to Adam Yauch, also known as MCA of the Beastie Boys. What a sad month for music … first Levon and now this. Fuck you, cancer!

This video pretty much encompasses everything we love about the Beasties. It runs around half an hour, and if you haven’t seen it, for god’s sake check it out. It’s the best. Thank you MCA for being so awesome.

Love, Sylvia and Sarah

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Widowspeak – Wicked Game

Love this love this love this cover of this song that we love.

G’night …….

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